Tired of all these pointless arguments. Tired of the direction of my life. Tired of my surrounding that leads me to nowhere.

Yet, .. .. ..

I seriously think that I have to reorganize my way of life! Till then, you shall wait for my new return!

Disappointed!

“You are never required to agree on a statement, just accept it!”

Stupid me, how can I still not get it? My work just doesn’t deserve what I have expected – Simply because it’s not good enough! The poor result has nothing to do with the world, it just lies in me! The world just browses through my work and do their job of grading. They are just doing their job! Who am I in the world to oppose their judgments?! Such a disgrace of me to fight for what I think I deserve! I must have been shameless when I questioned the way my work was assessed after seeing my grade! I must have been so stupid at that instant that I even forward this question to others, hoping to see someone to justify for me! The world must be laughing at me right now, for doing such a stupid act!

All I have to do right at the beginning was to accept it; the world will be very delighted! Challenging the world’s assessment is equivalent to being rude to the world. I should never ever challenge the world again, even if I feel that I am right! Because it will just prove to me again the notion that: “The world is always right, and even if they are wrong, I am never right!” Even if I have facts to prove that I’m right and the world is wrong, still I realize that I should not bother to challenge the world. The world will just slam me flat down.. No one in the world will stand up for me, because he/she will be putting him/herself against the world! I am all alone!

Having said all these, I have FINALLY learnt to accept.. I accepted my decision in joining the world. I accepted all people living in the world. I accepted that I am alone. I accepted acceptance! I accepted that I should accept whatever the world decides! I accepted to forgone the aim of achieving agreement. I accepted that I should just be an ordinary citizen in the world, just like what the world hopes to nurture their citizens – to be all introverts and cowards - and never ever challenge the world again!


Morale of the story:
“Never challenge a single thing in life, just accept it! If you decided to challenge, you just have to accept that nothing will change for the better!”

I believe many people face such questions at some points of their lifes, but they just simply don't talk about it! Why? Because talking about it might make people feel that they are hypocrites.


Most of the time, making decisions in lifes are fun. However, there would be time when decision-making becomes a nuisance, especially when it involves others i know. Often, i found myself stuck with these questions, when i have to make a decision that affect others.


"Should i be selfish or selfless?"

"What would happen to others if i make this decision?"

"What would happen to me if i make this decision?"

"Should i make a decision that favours me, but not others? Or should i choose the otherwise?"



No matter how much i dislike such situations, i still have to make a decision! I really admire people who can make decisions in such situations instantaneously. They were never bothered by the decisions they made, and they were totally not being affected by the people around them.



For me, i think what took me so long to make a decision was that i just only think too much for others. I think of helping others. I think of making a decision that is a win-win situation for me and the people who are affected. I think of making others happy. I think of caring about the welfare of others.


Why do i say say only? Because at the end of the day, they were just thoughts.. The only thought that i put into action is to protect myself. There is never a win-win situation. Someone has to 'lose' and bear through it. Everytime i think of being selfless, thoughts in my mind would drag me back.



"Is it worth it? If today i am the one that would be affected by others' decisions, would anyone sacrifice for me to put me in the 'win' situation? If anything happens to me after i made the decision of 'losing', would the others that i have helped help me? Or would they just ignore me because it does not concern them at all?"



I grew up in a social circle of selfishness. I believe no one would put their thought of helping others to 'win' into action at their own cost. Maybe those who were being helped to'win' would feel sorry for the 'loser', but that's all they would feel.. I would not expect anything much! So what's the point of getting oneself affected when one could make a decision that does not affect oneself but others?


It's true that i am selfish, but before keying me into your selfish blacklist, think about it.. Are you not?

"I trust you because you are my friend. However, i do not trust you because you are my friend.

Nothing hurts more than being betrayed. The fear of being betrayed would most of the time hold me back in telling a secret to you. How ironic?

If i trust you, then i should never be worried that you would betray me. But what if you are not trustworthy at all? This shows a lack of trust in you. So do i trust you at the beginning?"

So what's your answer to the last question?

Let me keeps this real short.. Not matter who you all are, I no longer care! Why? Because all of you only care about yourself.. No point trying to fake it, innermost! It doesn't help! It might help for a second or two, but not forever! No one appreciate what you have done.. They only take and never give! What's the point of trying to make peace that last forever? You are not a saint! People don't get it unless you express! People don't learn their mistakes until you blast at them! Just let go of the thought of 'faking'.. Just let go! Be the 'Black Sheep' if necessary, stop enduring the most ridiculous stuff happening around you! Stop making people around you to think that they are RIGHT, and never WRONG! People around you are selfish.. So stop visualising that they are selfless, that they would sacrifice for you! If one day you fall, none would hold you up!Only few in this world would sacrifice for you, but not in the surrounding you are now! I know you are in a dilemma, being selfless or selfish? But as i said before, no one cares about you in the surrounding you are now, so just take care of yourself, perhaps? Maybe you would be lonely for being the 'Black Sheep', but at least you are with me!

Hi all,
after a very long time, i am finally blogging again. =) You may be curious to know why i have chosen this topic to blog today, so i must as well tell you the answer. I have chosen this topic to blog today because during the holiday, I have met up with my innermost. He is at a junction of his journey and needs to choose a route. He needs to act differently in different routes.

Okay, so let me start with Route 1. He needs to laugh a lot, appear to be friendly to all others, and also act to be undisturbed by all the 'irritating events' happening around him. However, in reality, he is seriously burning with anger, pissed off by the jokers around him... So how does he get rid of all his anger? He bad-mouthed the person at his/her back..

Route 2. He just need to be himself. He quarrals with others a lot, show his dissatisfactions most of the time. Although he may be appear to be the most irritating person in the group, he shows his real feelings, emotions and reactions to an event..

So which route did he choose?

If you ask me which route i recommend to him, I will tell you i recommend route 2. However, he has chosen route 1. So now, I am type 1+2=3, since my innermost is related to me. I was trained to conceal my real emotional feelings and concieve others with my fake smile. Seriously, i think route 1 is really disgusting!!! However, that's how the world works i believe.. If i was to really blast off, i would have been labelled as the 'black sheep' by all other people out there.. So how? smile and Smile and SMILE..

I seriously hate route 1, but no choice, my innermost has chosen it.. So if next time when your innermost is at such a junction in his/her journey, please advise him/her, or even force him/her to choose route 2, or i shall despise you!!!

[P.s there is a deeper meaning in this post, please absorb it in.. Oh ya, and please abosrb in the correct meaning!]