I believe many people face such questions at some points of their lifes, but they just simply don't talk about it! Why? Because talking about it might make people feel that they are hypocrites.


Most of the time, making decisions in lifes are fun. However, there would be time when decision-making becomes a nuisance, especially when it involves others i know. Often, i found myself stuck with these questions, when i have to make a decision that affect others.


"Should i be selfish or selfless?"

"What would happen to others if i make this decision?"

"What would happen to me if i make this decision?"

"Should i make a decision that favours me, but not others? Or should i choose the otherwise?"



No matter how much i dislike such situations, i still have to make a decision! I really admire people who can make decisions in such situations instantaneously. They were never bothered by the decisions they made, and they were totally not being affected by the people around them.



For me, i think what took me so long to make a decision was that i just only think too much for others. I think of helping others. I think of making a decision that is a win-win situation for me and the people who are affected. I think of making others happy. I think of caring about the welfare of others.


Why do i say say only? Because at the end of the day, they were just thoughts.. The only thought that i put into action is to protect myself. There is never a win-win situation. Someone has to 'lose' and bear through it. Everytime i think of being selfless, thoughts in my mind would drag me back.



"Is it worth it? If today i am the one that would be affected by others' decisions, would anyone sacrifice for me to put me in the 'win' situation? If anything happens to me after i made the decision of 'losing', would the others that i have helped help me? Or would they just ignore me because it does not concern them at all?"



I grew up in a social circle of selfishness. I believe no one would put their thought of helping others to 'win' into action at their own cost. Maybe those who were being helped to'win' would feel sorry for the 'loser', but that's all they would feel.. I would not expect anything much! So what's the point of getting oneself affected when one could make a decision that does not affect oneself but others?


It's true that i am selfish, but before keying me into your selfish blacklist, think about it.. Are you not?

"I trust you because you are my friend. However, i do not trust you because you are my friend.

Nothing hurts more than being betrayed. The fear of being betrayed would most of the time hold me back in telling a secret to you. How ironic?

If i trust you, then i should never be worried that you would betray me. But what if you are not trustworthy at all? This shows a lack of trust in you. So do i trust you at the beginning?"

So what's your answer to the last question?

Let me keeps this real short.. Not matter who you all are, I no longer care! Why? Because all of you only care about yourself.. No point trying to fake it, innermost! It doesn't help! It might help for a second or two, but not forever! No one appreciate what you have done.. They only take and never give! What's the point of trying to make peace that last forever? You are not a saint! People don't get it unless you express! People don't learn their mistakes until you blast at them! Just let go of the thought of 'faking'.. Just let go! Be the 'Black Sheep' if necessary, stop enduring the most ridiculous stuff happening around you! Stop making people around you to think that they are RIGHT, and never WRONG! People around you are selfish.. So stop visualising that they are selfless, that they would sacrifice for you! If one day you fall, none would hold you up!Only few in this world would sacrifice for you, but not in the surrounding you are now! I know you are in a dilemma, being selfless or selfish? But as i said before, no one cares about you in the surrounding you are now, so just take care of yourself, perhaps? Maybe you would be lonely for being the 'Black Sheep', but at least you are with me!